For the record, I don’t vomit from drinking. I vomit when I think about my life. Who ever said it was wrong to self medicate? Doctors who medicate you? That makes about as much sense as dating in Cleveland and then blogging about it.
Accentuate the positives – medicate the negatives.
By the way, does anybody know what defines a mental breakdown that you might need medication for? Okay, those that have dated me might claim I have been having a breakdown for years, but I am asking those truly qualified. Is it crazy to pray for better hallucinations?
Been awhile since we chatted let’s see anything new to share…. oh yea, I almost died. Seriously, it was a harrowing heart stopping experience that I will no doubt milk for months on this blog but for now the Cliffs Notes version is I didn’t kick it.
Yea, nice job JD stirring up the masses with worry. Know how many drinks I am going to have to buy Captain Kitty now?
Dude, next time wait till the body is good and cold first before bellying up to a good blogging gig. And hey, all you people that I bequeathed shit to…. I want it back! Except for you Cakes you can keep that vagina bedazzler. Your snatch has never had such sparkle!
Like a phoenix like rise from the ashes or a foot fungus you can’t get rid of I am back. The Grim Reaper may have spared me from the clutches of death but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t sent to Hell. I live in Cleveland after all. I did learn three very important things while being on the edge of death.
1. You never get rest in the hospital.
2. You shouldn’t use a vibrator when hooked up to a heart monitor. Nursing staff will run in.
3. Spend too much time away from a creative outlet looped up on some really good meds coughs up some genius material. Check out the Snarky Snatch new line of Announcement Cards:
Speaking of announcements, there is an important one to be made concerning my relationship with Mr. Duncan.
He broke up with me.
Then we got back together!
Then we broke up again.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time. No worries, it was an amicable break both of us deciding to part ways while some skanksa vagina is his penis cozy.
Don’t you hate those moments after you’re done crying and you just sit there emotionless waiting for an incoming asteroid to hit? Yea, what doesn’t kill you is gonna leave a scar.
When praying to vaginal Gods above I guess I didn’t specify clearly enough that I wanted my heart to have butterflies, not to be battery rammed. Hearts and hymens are meant to be broken but at the end of a day, a girl is only as strong as the table she dances on.
It’s the beginning of a new year, not everything has to be piss and vinegar. There are bright things on the horizon.
For example, being single means I have more time for my favorite hobbies like latch hooking and baking.
More time I can devote to my new business of penis photography.
And of course, I can devote more time to blogging about my new cockular experiences in online dating. Won’t that be interesting and fun… like vaginal thrush.
This is also a time for celebration as this month marks the one year anniversary of Snarky Snatch. That’s right gang it has been one full year of sharing gait midget porn and vodka drenched spirals. My doesn’t time fly by.
Join me as we take a look back together at those moments of heartbreak, love and laughter. Even those times that got me an order of protection or two. For the first time ever, I will take you behind the blog for a 360 version of Snarky Snatch unplugged. Yea, I will be naming real names with real photos of the people behind the stories.
Reflection is a good thing. It means you are growing like a huge black penis. I realize that I have spent a life time fully growing into my own wrongness, hoping to find the right person who will lovingly gaze upon me and think, “This is the problem I want to have.” So maybe last years emotional tremors are a gift from baby Jesus putting me on the positive path of change. Way I see it, you change for two reasons. Either you learn enough that you want to. Or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.
I want to be good. So far life is just not letting me.
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I’m overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you.